Reading Tanbi: Female Sexuality and Fujoshi’s Self-identity

腐女熱衷消費以「男男同性愛戀」（Boy’s Love）為內容的耽美文類，而此文類在情色描寫上百無禁忌。腐女因此面臨違背社會「性規範」和「情慾規範」的雙重風險。據此，本研究探討多以異性戀構成的腐女群體，如何因應污名處境並建立身份認同；同時亦探究腐女作為耽美情色文本「閱讀者」的情慾經驗，以及身為「行動者」的情慾操演實踐。本研究採取深度訪談法，共訪談13位腐女，研究結果如下： 腐女身份「污名」來自同性戀群體污名的「轉嫁」以及「視男男為奇觀」的「高調妄想」行為。在與污名共處的經驗中，腐女通過「我群」與「他群」的區分，有選擇地「現身」，低調展露污名身份，以避免公然遭受貶抑的情境。另外，腐女也通過各種行動「矯正污名」，包括對外宣稱「閱讀耽美小說」只是一種興趣愛好，並強調自己的異性戀身份；以及對內與被貶抑的腐女行為劃界；或是通過矯正同性戀群體污名的方式間接弱化腐女污名。 作為「閱讀者」（as a reader），腐女對耽美情色的偏好與她們對異性戀情色的抗拒有關，她們重視「男男性愛」的「有愛」和「平等」，由此顯露出腐女對情慾欲求中「互為主體性」的重視。另外，耽美情色的「男體禁忌」與「同性禁忌」也提供了閱讀的愉悅感。男性身體或男性間的性愛成為腐女肆意評論的對象，身為異性戀女性，腐女得以將消費同性愛轉化為自身情慾展露的渠道。 不過，腐女深知女性消費情慾文本的風險，因此也強調自己身為生理女性，與「男男情色」間存在「安全」的觀視距離。有些腐女認為「忠貞即安全」，強調耽美情色符合異性戀秩序的「一對一」價值，有些則強調「旁觀者位置」，來表明耽美情色看起來「與己無關」。藉由耽美情色，女性對男體的好奇窮究可以是「就知識論知識」。 當腐女的身份從「閱讀者」跳轉為「行動者」（as a doer）時，部分受訪腐女則採用「避言情慾操演」的敘述策略，否認在日常生活的情慾實踐中學習耽美情色的情慾知識，以此保證異性戀制度下身為女性的「無慾」和「純良」。 Fujoshi are girls/women interested in reading literary works on Tanbi，which is also called Boy's Love. Usually there is no obvious boundary between Tanbi novels and pornographic novel. Fujoshi are thought to be a group of people who are against the social consensus of sex and female sexuality. So the author here focused on the Heterosexual Fujoshi and tried to see how they react to the stigma and where their self understanding come from. Meanwhile the author also focus on their actual erotic feeling while reading Tanbi novels and their erotic experience in real life. Depth interview method was adopted in this article. After interviewing 13 Fujoshi, the author came to the following conclusions: The stigma of Fujoshi come from the stigma of homosexuality. Fujoshi tend not to confess their identity to those who are not Fujoshi as they have a clear understanding of the criticism they may face. On the other side, some Fujoshi are trying to change the misunderstanding by telling others that reading Tanbi novels is just their hobby and by emphasizing that they are heterosexual. Some are trying to avoid doing things that attracting most criticism. Others may believe that to correct the stigma of homosexuality will help the correction of stigma about themselves. As a reader, Fujoshi’s love for the pornography in Tanbi has something to do with their resistance to the description of heterosexual pornography. They usually attach great importance to the love and equality in male and male sex. So they can gain pleasure experience from reading Tanbi pronography. They make many comments on men’s body and the male and male sex. Through this way, the erotic feeling of Fujoshi for men can be released. When it comes to real life, as a doer of female sexuality, some Fujoshi will refuse to talk about their own erotic experience or try to deny they get more information of the female sexuality in Tanbi pronography by their own erotic life. In their mind, they can keep being a girl/woman who has no desire for sex and who is pure and innocent in this way