The Roses in the Battlefield：a narration of being with under-aged female social workers in social work practice

這本論文是我身在性交易後追社工的位置上，遇到了2015年《兒少性交易防制條例》修法的大事，發現自己有陰魂不散的家長／權威議題。因此，開始書寫我和性交易少女的故事，為了要更貼近少女，才返身寫了自己的父親與母親，關於他們怎麼生成、組成家庭後的關係，怎麼影響我走上社會工作這條路，以及成為怎麼樣的一個生命陪伴者。原生家庭讓我從家內向家外尋找無條件的愛，遇上了基督信仰，在教會經歷了人的限制，卻也是因為前男友祈生的包容與寬恕讓我經歷 神的愛。經歷了愛，才發現自己即使不完整、也不完美，卻仍然不捨地鍥而不捨相信愛、尋找愛，跟這群性交易少女沒什麼不同。 透過映照我與少女們之間具有階級等差異的生命，發現我們即使在國中升學階段裡錯身，也因著階級的不同，在身體的使用上有著根本的差異，但這卻不影響我們同行的可能性。透過敘事的方法細細爬梳，才發現我與少女的生命各自用自己的方式在抵抗，向外抵抗「女人只能成為某一種固定樣貌」、「生命該怎麼活才是好的」之規訓。我也透過這本論文的書寫，向內進行從未完整敘說的家庭故事，誠實面對自己的生命，更是從國家給我的中產階級女性社工的高處出走，這個現身讓我與少女才能真實且自在地共在。雖然我與少女在身體的使用，在情慾與性、勞動工作兩個面向上，有著極大的差異，卻也因著身體共在的經驗，讓我們的生命得以靠近。身體的使用與位置相對於腦袋，其實更為誠實且直接地顯示自身的價值以及生命立場，作為一個青少年工作者，不能忽略身體的實踐。 這本論文最重要的發現是作為一個體制下的少女「保護」社會工作者，真正重要的是成為一個誠實面對自己，且相信愛、也願意透過生命活出愛的大人。此外，透過身體／生命實踐的過程，深刻地體會到生命有無限多的可能，而不是只能活出某一個樣貌才是好的。體會到這點，才能由衷地發展出對這群勇敢為自己掙活路、敢愛敢恨的性交易少女的欣賞眼光，而不管活成什麼樣的生命，都是值得被欣賞的一幅美景。The motivation for writing this essay began with the discovery of my lingering authority issue, when I worked as a follow up social worker for youth sex workers, and witnessed the amendment of the Child and Youth Sexual Exploitation Prevention Act in 2016. I therefore began to write the story among girls who involved in sex work and me. In order to be closer to the girls, I wrote about my parents, their life stories and their relationship after having a family, and how it influenced me to take the road to social work, and made me become the life companion I am today. The family of origin let me seek unconditional love outside of the family, encounter Christianity, and experience limits of humanity in the Church. But it was because of tolerance and forgiveness from my ex-boyfriend Qi-Sheng that allowed me to learn the love of God, acknowledging that although I myself was neither complete nor perfect, I still constantly believed in love and looked for love, which made me not any different than those girls in sex work. Through there is a difference in social class and other aspects in the life between those girls and me, I realize that despite all the differences not only between the path we took during the preparation for the high school entrance exam, but also between the way how we use our bodies based on our social class, it doesn’t diminish the possibility that we are able to accompany each other. By analyzing carefully using narrative method, I am able to discover that those girls and I are resisting in our own way, resisting discipline such as “Women can only live in a certain way” or “How to live a good life in a certain way”. Through the writing of this essay, I also worked on my family story that has not yet been fully told before, so that I could face my own life honestly, and stepped down from the government granted position as a middle-class female social worker. It allowed me to be with those girls sincerely and comfortably. Although there is a great difference between how we use our body in regard to both lust/ sex and work, there are still some shared experiences of our body which bring our lives closer. In fact, in compare with the use of the brain, the use and the position of the body manifest its own value, as well as the standpoint of life more sincerely and directly. As a youth social worker, the actual application should not be ignored. The greatest discovery of this essay is that being a social worker who “protect” teenage girls within the government structure, the most important thing is to be an adult who can face him/ herself honestly, believes in love and will to live out love through life. In addition, through the process of the actual application in life, I am also able to deeply understand that the possibility of life itself is unlimited, and there is no certain way of life that indicates a good life. By acknowledging this, we can only truly appreciate those girls who work in the sex industry, who strive to live and dare to love and to hate. And no matter what life itself looks like, it should be something that deserves to be appreciated