[[alternative]]A Narrative Study of an Excluded Child's Psychological Experience

[[abstract]] 本研究以敘事及詮釋之方式探討一位被母親排斥的孩子之心路歷程，主要想了解研究參與者在衝突與被排斥的母子關係中之主觀經驗，以及對於母子關係的看待與自處。因此本研究欲探討的主題是： （一） 了解研究參與者之母子關係如何發展。 （二） 探究衝突拒斥的母子關係中子方的主觀經驗。 （三） 了解研究參與者在母子關係中如何看待與自我安頓。 研究者以研究參與者（研究者之父親）之敘事資料為主軸，輔以研究參與者之妻的訪談內容，並在文本分析過程中推展出文獻資料之蒐集與分析方向。 本研究結果發現： （一） 研究參與者在母子關係的歷程中，有一套來自傳統孝道觀念影響下的母子關係自我詮釋模式，此詮釋模式和研究參與者在母子相處中之直接經驗感受相衝突、矛盾，但是研究參與者自身並未察覺，並且一直處在經驗感受與自我詮釋相衝突的狀態下。 （二） 研究參與者在母子相處經驗中的自我發展過程，從早年被母親壓制而感到憤怒、無力、絕望的自我，到婚後自我稍得抒展、並將妻子當作情感依附對象；後來在參與研究的過程中又產生新經驗，而對於母子關係有新的理解與看法。這是一個從被壓制（早年）、稍得抒展（結婚）到重新回顧與理解（母親已過世）的過程。 （三） 研究參與者對於母子關係的理解，從原來自身強烈的主觀感受與解釋，逐漸移向能夠接納更多對母親情境的了解與看見，因而漸能產生寬諒、釋懷的心情。本研究之發現，希望提供對於被斥兒心理歷程的理解，以及孝道文化對於個人影響之反思。[[abstract]] The study adopts Hermeneutics and narrative analysis to explore an excluded child's psychological experience in the mother-son relationship. The objective of the study is to deal with the following issues: a.To explore the development of the participant's mother-son relationship b.To explore the participant's subjective experience in the inharmonious and disappointed mother-son relationship c.To understand how the participant looks upon the relationship and himself. This study mainly involves with interviews of the participant—the researcher's father, along with the auxiliary source, the narration of the participant's wife. This study is completed with literature review through the text analysis. The findings in this study include: a.The participant has two conflicting selves. His direct feelings and experiences originate from one of the selves, which shapes his recognition of the mother-son relationship. However, the other self of him, installed by traditional concepts of the filial piety, regulate him at the same time. He himself doesn't aware of this conflict and incompatibility. b.The development of the participant's self through the mother-son interaction, include three stages: the angry and depressed stage under his high-handed mother in his early years; the lightly released stage after marrying his present wife, whom has become his mental support; and the retracing and forgiving stage that brings him new interpretations of his mother during his participation in this study, when his mother was dead. c.The participant's interpretation of his mother-child relationship and his self-regard has changed from preliminary interpretations with strong emotion to later ones with more understanding and forgiveness. Hope the findings in this study could be helpful to offer a chance for us to understand the psychological experiences of an excluded child and to introspect the influence that the filial piety brings to the individual