Adversity and awakening：A study of the self-narrative of a chronic cancer patient with Art Treatments

[[abstract]]這是一篇我罹患甲狀腺癌後，以藝術療癒身心的故事。我透過自我敘說的方式來整理與探究近十年間，透過藝術陪伴自己的歷程，試圖理解藝術創作何以能整合我在死亡焦慮下，療癒因疾病而崩解的身心靈之經驗，並從中省思及重新建構帶病而活的生命意義。 本研究以Lieblich等人（1998）提出的「整體-內容」敘說分析法，進行文本資料的分析與整理，在研究結果發現：在我的療癒經驗中，藝術讓我得以「開放自己與接納」深層而內在情緒線團，一件件的作品成了「涵容情緒的容器」，讓我可以浸潤其中，與受創的內在小孩互動，而「賦能」自己，讓自己在每次創作的當下，擁抱及認識自己，進而整合分裂的身心，了解自身的真實與現況，重新定義生命的意義。 器官缺損所造成的永久性傷害，讓我理解到「健康」的重要性，好好地「活在當下」珍惜每個片刻，讓有限的生命不要留下遺憾，是我在生病後的感悟。而「疾病」的現身是為了告訴我「愛」的存在，我明白只有愛自己，才能愛別人；只有擁有自己的聲音，才能聽見他人真正的歌聲。同時，我理解到自己是命運的主人，人生只能自己負責，沒有人能夠代理，因此，「為自己負責」成了我生命的重點。 最後，本研究依據療癒經驗的研究結果，進行討論並提出研究建議，以提供在與罹癌患者或其他相關慢性病患者、諮商心理輔導以及後續相關研究者未來研究之參考。[[abstract]]This thesis is a story about myself being knowing that I have got thyroid cancer, I began a process of body and mind healing by art. Through self- narrative, I tried to probe into how art had accompanied me to undergo the processes during the past 10 years. I attempted to understand how art creation had helped me to integrate both my anxiety of death and the process of losing-unity of both body and soul. I also intended to ponder and reconstruct the meaning of a life being accompanied by an irrevocable disease. This research analysis date by「integrated –content」narrative analysis from Lieblich (1998). In the findings of this study, I discovered that art had helped me to 「open and accept my own self」 as an inner emotions. Each of my artistic work had turned into「a receptacle of emotions」 to help me to soak in them, to be able to interact with my inner little child, to empower myself. Through each of my creation, I was able to embrace my being, know myself, integrate my split body and mind, understand my reality and present condition and re-define the life meaning. The impaired organ had caused permanent harm which helped me understand the importance of being healthy, living the moment in the present life, cherishing every moment and having no regret in life. The disease had told me the existence of love. I recognized that only I had loved myself that I could love someone else. Only I could own my voice that I could hear someone else sang. In the mean time, I realize that I, myself, is the owner of my fate. Every-one should be responsible for his/ her own life. No one else can take over this responsibility. Therefore, 「to be responsible for my self」is the key to my life. At the end, the findings, discussion and recommendation in this research are based on the healing experience and the researcher intends to offer the cancer patients, chronic disease patients, counseling psychologists and other related researchers some reference resources for further study.[[note]]碩