Abstract Our understanding of Earth's paleogeography relies heavily on paleomagnetic apparent polar wander paths (APWPs), which represent the time‐dependent position of Earth's spin axis relative to a given block of lithosphere. However, conventional approaches to APWP construction have significant limitations. First, the paleomagnetic record contains substantial noise that is not integrated into APWPs. Second, parametric assumptions are adopted to represent spatial and temporal uncertainties even where the underlying data do not conform to the assumed distributions. The consequences of these limitations remain largely unknown. Here, we address these challenges with a bottom‐up Monte Carlo uncertainty propagation scheme that operates on sit...