[[alternative]]A Narrative Study of Self-Concept and Parent-Child Relationship on the Mental Illness Woman with Repeated Suicide Attempt

[[abstract]] 本研究採用立意取樣擇定研究參與者，研究方法是選擇敘事研究，主要是探究一位反覆自殺精神疾病女性的生命故事，以深度訪談、半結構方式進行，關注研究參與者的成長經驗、重大創傷事件與生病經驗、自我概念之關連性，並進一步梳理研究參與者的親子關係對其自我概念形成的影響。 研究結論為研究參與者的自我概念與親子關係之間是一來回流動、互相影響的循環過程；影響研究參與者自我概念發展的因素有：身體形象、與他人的關係。右手天生無力、輪姦事件建構研究參與者的身體形象，而這兩件重大事件亦讓她頻繁的自傷與自殺；與他人的關係包含爸爸、媽媽、阿嬤、手足、生活周遭他人之間的關係，其中與爸爸、阿嬤之間的關係是最重要的；所以自我概念與親子關係構成研究參與者的存在姿態，身體形象、與他人關係促成自我概念與親子關係的發展。 上列所述的因素既為因也是果，因為他們讓研究參與者的自我概念一再薄弱、親子關係愈發不佳，但也因為不良的自我概念與親子關係發展讓研究參與者在面對這些事件是無力招架，只能落荒而逃，轉向疾病的庇蔭下暫時喘氣，而在疾病庇蔭中，她是因為受限而痛苦、混亂，但也因為疾病的治療讓她可以逐漸清醒，在清醒之中她萌生改變自己的動機，透過治療她學習接納自己，而在看到自己的存在之中，她才得以感受與接受他人，也才理解來自於父親無微不至但須用心體會才能觸碰到的愛。[[abstract]] This study used research to select study participants. The research method was to select narrative research, mainly to explore the life story of a woman who repeatedly committed suicidal mental illness. This study was conducted in in-depth interviews and semi-structured manners, focusing on the growth experience of the research participants, the relationship between major traumatic events and illness experiences, and self-concepts,and further hope It can sort out the influence of the parent-child relationship of the female mental illness on the formation of self-concept. This research concludes that the interplay between the participant's self-image and her parent-child relationship forms a fluid cycle. Factors that affect the development of the participants' self-image are her body image and relationships. The weakness in her right arm and the event of the gang-rape influenced the formation of the participant's body image. These two significant events also cause her to self-harm and make suicide attempts regularly. Her relationships with others include that of her father, mother, grandmother, siblings, and others close to her in life. To her, the relationships with her father and her grandmother are the most important. So her self-image and her parent-child relationship shape her existence; her body-image and her interpersonal relationships also affect the development of her self-image and parent-child relationship. The factors mentioned are both the cause and effect because they let the participant continue to form a poor self-image and destroy her parent-child relationship. At the same time, the poor self-image and development of her parent-child relationship make it impossible for her to face these events, driving her away from her fear and towards the shelter of her illness. She hid behind her illness because of the pain and confusion she felt from being held back, but the treatments for her illness gradually allowed her to wake up. As she started to see things more clearly, her motive to change was born. Through the treatments she learned to accept herself and only after she understood her own existence could she understand and accept others. This also allowed her to feel her father's love for her even though it takes some effort to feel it