‘I still have the doubt’: The unreal reality of emotional abuse Exploring women’s experiences of leaving their intimate heterosexual relationship

This qualitative study explored the experiences of seven women who had left their emotionally abusive relationships, using an inductive approach of thematic analysis. Within the field of intimate partner violence (IPV), considerable research has been conducted on the leaving processes of women. Despite this volume of research, little is known about how women who have been subject solely to emotional abuse end their relationships; this leaves a noticeable gap in the literature. Emotional abuse has long been recognised as one of the most devastating types of violence, yet it remains the least researched. In the light of the distinct dynamics of emotional abuse, this is the first study to isolate this phenomenon from other types of violence and look at the leaving processes of women in ‘pure’ emotionally abusive relationships. The goal of this study is to explore the journeys of these women towards leaving, in order to provide a holistic picture of their relationships from beginning to end, including the post separation period, while also paying attention to the social context, amongst other factors. Five themes were revealed: ‘A Disconnection from Self’, ‘A Burst of standing Up’, ‘The Importance of Support’, ‘Multiple Endings’ and ‘Making Sense of the Past’, which, when taken together, describe the experiences of participants during their leaving journeys. These themes were drawn from a social constructivist understanding of the participants’ meaning-making to reflect upon emotional abuse from a critical realist ontology. The findings demonstrated that leaving was a complex, arduous, multifaceted and developmental journey – generally echoing research evidence on leaving IPV. However, important differences did emerge in the sense that the leaving processes did not always reflect a conscious decision-making process. Instead, due to the subtle and complex dynamics of emotional abuse as well as a lack of debate about emotional abuse in the wider public sphere and society, none of the participants were aware of the abuse while they were in the relationship. Thus, it appeared that most actions taken by the participants towards leaving were initially taken in a non-reflective way, mainly driven by their intuition and strong responses to emotions. In addition, it appeared that the connection with other people outside the relationship was necessary across all phases of the leaving process in terms of facilitating the journeys of these women. This is because external support opened up a conduit to self-awareness, freedom of choice, meaning-making and reality testing, which eventually helped these women to end their relationships. Overall, it could be concluded that these women had to break free, not always as heroic women, but as entrapped individuals who needed further support to make sense of their experiences and rebuild their lives. These findings have implications for professionals, support networks, services and the wider community. Implications for intervention include promoting existential-phenomenological approaches such as attending to subjectivity, context and meaningful relationships. On a wider level, changes need to be considered within the macro, meso and exo ecological systems starting with raising public awareness about the distinct nature of emotional abuse