Secret romantic relationships: An exploration of their nature and consequences for personal and relational wellbeing

Relatively little is known about secret romantic relationships, despite the fact that relationship status is one of the most common things people keep secret from others. The goal of the present series of studies was not only to provide descriptive information regarding secret relationships (e.g., the types of romantic involvements likely to be concealed from others and the motivations behind it), but also to explore the potential consequences of relationship concealment on the quality of the romance and the health of the partners. Study 1 involved a descriptive analysis of individuals who reported current involvement in a secret relationship. Results indicated that secret romances represent a very heterogeneous group of partnerships, often including those that are age-gap, interracial, interreligious and/or same-sex. The most commonly reported motivation for concealing one’s relationship was fear of disapproval, particularly from one’s family and friends (who were also reported as the most frequent targets of secrecy). Study 2 provided an initial exploration into the consequences of romantic secrecy, finding evidence that individuals who keep their relationships secret tend to be less committed to their partnerships and also tend to have reduced personal well-being (i.e., lower self-esteem and greater reports of health symptoms) compared to those who do not conceal their romances. Finally, Study 3 tested a theoretical model of the effects of secrecy using structural equation modeling. The hypothesized model was well-supported and suggests that romantic secrecy may (1) undermine relational commitment by means of constraining or limiting psychological closeness between partners, and (2) pose a threat to physical and psychological well-being as a result of making partners feel nervous and ashamed of their relationships. The results of these studies indicate that romantic secrecy seems to have aversive consequences for both the relationship itself and the health of the individuals involved. Moreover, these findings are consistent with a growing body of research demonstrating that being a keeper of any type of important personal secret can be detrimental to well-being