A Post-9/11 Reflection on Mourning, Splitting, and the Failure of the Good Object, Preceded by Musings on Doctoral Work under Dr. Ann Belford Ulanov

The first day of classes for my Ph.D. in Psychiatry and Religion dawned spectacularly. It was a beautiful Tuesday morning, in early September. I packed my backpack with books for my first class with Dr. Ulanov. Having not studied with her since the first semester of doing an S.T.M. three years earlier, I was excited to begin academic studies with Dr. Ulanov again. I already had a full case load of psychotherapy clients at the Blanton-Peale Graduate Institute of Religion and Health, which was one of the clinical partners in this Ph.D. program at Union, but was looking forward to getting back to the demands, challenges, and delights of sitting in class and reading the way-too-long lists of books and articles Dr. Ulanov would assign. I left my apartment in Diocesan House at the Cathedral of St. John the Divine, where I was an Assistant Priest, grabbing my backpack, full of books for the first class—‘Aggression.’ Racing down the pathway to a staff meeting in Cathedral House, that would precede my 10 a.m. class, a colleague shared the news