Exploring men’s experiences of their female partner’s sexual pain: A qualitative thematic analysis study

AimsFemale sexual pain occurs within a relational context, yet little is known about partners’ experiences This study adds to the very small literature exploring men’s experience of sexual pain within a different-sex relationship. I aimed to give voice to men and explore their sense making and responses to female sexual pain; their views on how it has impacted them, their sexual relationship and the relationship more broadly; and their own experience of help seeking. MethodA qualitative survey and in-depth semi-structured interviews were used to explore men’s experiences and understandings of their partner’s sexual pain. A total of 26 men took part; 25 completed the survey, 9 men went on to be interviewed and one man shared his experience via interview only. The data was analysed using reflexive thematic analysis to identify themes across the data.FindingsThematic analysis resulted in 5 themes. The first, ‘Pain Is a Communication, It Could Be a Problem in Me’ captured how men made sense of female sexual pain. ‘Men Are Not the Patients, Women Are’ illustrated men’s invisibility within the medical setting and ‘Men’s Loss of Agency, Impotence to Act, and Inactivity’ described men’s responses within both the medical setting and the relationship. In the fourth theme, it was evident that men viewed their own distress, though complex and significant, as less worthy of attention compared to their partner’s, as reported in ‘Downplaying Suffering: My Experience Doesn’t Matter… And Yet’. The final theme ‘Hegemonic Heterosexuality and The Individual Man’ described how men engaged with multiple versions of masculinity andaccessed individual scripts that differed, to varying extents, from dominant cultural scripts: predominantly, men sought intimacy.Conclusions Female sexual pain is not just a woman’s matter. There are many dimensions to men’s experiences which impact their own psychosocial functioning and how the couple adapt and respond. The findings implicated that men need to be meaningfully included in the help seeking process as their own suffering has been neglected. Through their exclusion, taken for granted assumptions about men’s sexuality are left unexamined and positive adaptation opportunities are overlooked. Counselling psychologists, through their emphasis on phenomenology and contextualising experience, are ideally positioned to provide therapeutic support to men and the couple to helpfully explore their entire sexual pain experience