We suggest an interesting and fast method for generating normal, exponential, t, von Mises, and certain other important random variables used in Monte Carlo studies. The right half of a symmetric density is cut into pieces, then, using simple area-preserving transformations, reassembled into a rectangle from which the x-coordinate - or a linear function of the x-coordinate - of a random point provides the required variate. To illustrate the speed and simplicity of the Monty Python method, we provide a small C program, self-contained, for rapid generation of normal (Gaussian) variables. It is self-contained in the sense that required uniform variates are generated in-line, as pairs of 16-bit integers by means of the remarkable new multiply-w...