Journey to motherhood : experiences of lesbian de novo families in Australia

Lesbian mothering is becoming more visible in societies around the world, however to date, little research has explored the experiences of coupled, lesbian women creating de novo families in Australia. The aim of this qualitative study, underpinned by feminist philosophy, was to explore the experiences of lesbian mothers in Australia. To achieve this aim, in-depth, semi-structured, story sharing interviews, journaling and a demographic data collection sheet were used to collect data from the fifteen couples participating in the study. The data were analysed and three main themes were identified: becoming mothers, constructing motherhood and legitimising our families. De novo refers to a family constellation where two lesbian women who are partnered, plan, conceive, birth and are raising their children in the context of their same-sex relationship. While the literature demonstrates growing acceptance of lesbian mothering, they remain marginalised and subsequently vulnerable. The findings of this study identified that participants deliberately and consciously approached decisions associated with creating their families, they laboured to legitimise the position of the non-birth mother in their families and that, despite growing acceptance, continue to experience homophobia when interfacing with healthcare providers and services. Complex decisions about which woman in the couple would conceive, their preferred method of conception and the known or unknown status of the sperm donor were encountered with determined commitment by the participants. They spent many hours, days, months and sometimes years, researching their options about how to create a family. The factors that often determined which woman would try to conceive were age, health and personal preference. Choosing a known or unknown sperm donor was sometimes dependent on the method of conception used to achieve a pregnancy. For example, some couples preferred to use alternate insemination at home and this limited them to a known sperm donor. Aside from the preferred method of conception, the known or unknown status of the sperm donor was considered carefully in relation to his intentions about future contact with the child or parenting expectations, his physical and intellectual characteristics, his availability and his health. After a pregnancy had been achieved and a baby born, the participants endeavoured to construct their roles and position in their family and their community. The lack of visibility of de novo families in society meant that essentially, there were few role models for constructing motherhood. In addition, lesbian mothers were sometimes excluded from the usual familial support that heterosexual mothers might experience, due to rejection by their biological family because of their lesbian identity. One of the major challenges the couples experienced was legitimising their family, and in particular, the position of the non-birth mother. The couples laboured to implement specific strategies to justify the non-birth mother’s position as a legitimate parent in their family. During their interactions with healthcare providers and services, participants experienced various forms and levels of homophobia and heteronormativity. They often anticipated homophobia and implemented strategies to avoid interacting with healthcare services and providers that they perceived as homophobic. Other participants met homophobia head-on and regarded it as a unique opportunity to teach others about themselves and their family and subsequently promote acceptance of diversity. Participants were challenged by heteronormativity and expressed frustration at heterosexual assumption and experiences of being excluded. To counter these sometimes stressful and devaluing interactions, participants implemented specific strategies to maintain their safety. The findings of this study have revealed some interesting and significant aspects of lesbian mothering in the Australian context, some of which resonate with the literature while others represent new knowledge. In elucidating the experiences of lesbian mothers, a deeper understanding of the decisions made on their journey to motherhood, how they constructed motherhood and family, and strategies that promote inclusive healthcare have been identified