Rebuilding Reality to Relive and Relove?: Memory and Female Identity in S. J. Watson’s Before I Go to Sleep

心理驚悚小說體現了當代犯罪文學作品的多樣性。隨著時代的變遷，最受大眾喜愛的文學體裁也備受考驗。近來有一股潮流試圖重新定位犯罪小說，而S. J. 華森的小說《別相信任何人》正是最佳典範。此書之所以引起各界的熱烈討論與受到全世界廣泛讀者的喜愛即在於它將看似毫無交集的元素完美融合─懼怕、懸疑、愛情、兩性關係、記憶與真實、女性意識、身分認同及重建。傳統犯罪文學的敍事結構中總著墨於主角對清楚絕對答案的追尋；然而，在這個帶有家庭黑色小說(domestic noir)色彩的文本中，最終的真理卻是遙不可及。 書中的女主角克莉絲汀是名失憶患者，為了重新找回自己，她只能盡力從破碎的記憶中找尋蛛絲馬跡，拼湊被遺忘許久的自我。重新建構自我顯然並非易事，而個人記憶的真實性也有待商榷。事件發生與否和當事者是否能記得之間的落差所造成的空缺又該如何填滿？事實上，克莉絲汀渴望的絕非只是單單地活得如普通人般緬懷過去並展望未來，而是能重建一個充滿女性意識及自主的自我， 因此克莉絲汀也必須細心體會、感受並專注於眼前的生活及人事物。《別相信任何人》為犯罪文學帶來嶄新風貌，不僅成功突破以往的角色設定發展框架，劇情安排描述也導向了有關記憶真實性與身分重建的可能性探討，而對愛情的悸動、兩性婚姻關係的維繫、作為女人與母親身分的意識更是與克莉絲汀重建女性自我密切相關。The psychological thriller demonstrates how diversified contemporary crime writing can be like a chameleon. In the emergence of reconstituting the much-loved literary form, S. J. Watson’s Before I Go to Sleep infatuates the reader with its high concern for elements that unusually match: fear, identity, love, reality, relationship, memory, and female consciousness. The clear-cut answer featured by traditional crime fiction cannot be offered in this novel that blending literary thriller and domestic noir together when the female protagonist only possesses fragmentary memory. To regain her sense of self, Christine the main character has to recall her reminiscence, which sometimes can be imaginary. In fact, what she longs for is not simply rebuilding her identity as a normal person, but the identity that has a lot to do with female consciousness and autonomy, which requires her to live her present life as well. Rather than another psychological thriller that tells an old story depicting the quest for the truth, Before I Go to Sleep shifts the focus from the deeply-rooted tradition in crime fiction, exploring the question of (un)reliability and (un)reconstructability of memory as well as what love means in a relationship. Only when Christine can relive as a woman, a wife, and a mother to re-experience love can she reframe her female identity