Serious ontology is the view that metaphysical debates about existence are deep, theoretical, quasi-scientific debates about the nature and constituents of reality. Serious ontology has been the dominant metaontology for the last few decades, but recently it has come under attack. Eli Hirsch’s Quantifier Variantism is one of the most compelling criticisms of serious ontology. According to Hirsch many ontological debates are merely verbal because the alleged rivals in these debates can each agree that the other side is saying something true given the meanings of the existential quantifier in their own language, and none of those quantifier meanings is objectively privileged. The most well developed response to skeptical metaontologies such a...