Ksenia Kardonova, About Weddings, Bride Wealth and Taboos for Brides

About Weddings. In the old days no one asked about love. If the groom’s parents found a good girl, they would first enquire about the potential bride and if they decided that she is the right person for their son then they would make an agreement with the girl’s parents and arrange the wedding. Young people did not go out together. They were just married and that was it. They only saw each other at the wedding. Often girls were married off to old men and there were cases when girls disobeyed. The song called ‘Togryash’ is about this. In general, weddings were as follows. If the girls’ parents agreed to marry her off, then the engagement would take place. On the day of engagement, the groom’s relatives visit the girls’ parents. A set of gifts brought by the groom’s delegation would include two or three bottles of milk vodka. The two sides agree on the day of the wedding ‘odr kellgn’. They would also discuss the quantity of cooked meat, alcohol, sweets and bortsg biscuits as well the number of live sheep that should be brought for the bride’s side on the wedding day. On the eve of the wedding day, the parents of the groom assemble a separate yurt for their son in the village. On the wedding day, the groom and his delegation arrive to the bride’s house to take her away. Before entering the house, they stop at the edge of the village and send a messenger with the news that the guests have arrived. The messenger passes a bottle or two bottles of vodka and asks the permission of the bride’s relatives to enter the house. With permission given, the groom’s wedding delegation enters the house. A full set of presents is checked by someone senior from the bride’s side. If there was something missing, the whole procession would not be let into the house. When the groom’s delegation is invited into the house, the wedding celebration begins, the guests eat and drink. Later the food brought by the groom’s side is put on the table. The groom’s delegation must include an old woman and a little boy as well as two women. The two women bring a pillow and sew it up in the bride’s house. The bride’s relatives take this pillow and ask for a buyout for it. The boy and the old woman stay at the bride’s house until midnight and return back home and the rest of the groom’s delegation stays overnight. In the morning of the next day, the groom’s delegation has to cook Kalmyk tea and then ask for permission to take away the bride and her dowry. When the dowry is taken out, the bride is walked out of the house. The bride’s head is covered with a white cloth or shawl. There was a custom to hide the bride and ask for a buyout, but today people do not do it. While the bride is leaving the house, her relatives light a zul (a candle) and sing a farewell song. The crying bride is walked out from the house, while her girlfriends do not let her go. Often there was a fight. As there were no cars in the past, the bride was sat on a horse with two horsemen by her sides. Then the bride is taken to her parent’s in-law house where the dowry is unloaded and the bride is made to bow to new spirits-guardians of her new family. To do this the bride kneels on a special carpet made of felt which she brings. Towards evening the bride’s hair was divided into two braids with covers called shivrlg. Her new hairstyle reflects the new status of a married woman. This was the custom. The next day, the bride’s delegation leaves the groom’s house and on arrival they perform a fire ritual called gal tyakh so that the bride’s well-being that she was endowed, remained at her parental house. The sacrificial sheep would be killed in a special way, some parts of the meat are thrown into the fire as well as salt, melted butter and incenses. The rest of the meat is cooked and eaten by the members of the bride’s delegation, relatives and guests. In seven days, the girl’s relatives visit their daughter. After the wedding the girl is no longer considered a member of her natal family. She belongs to her husband’s family and clan. In a month or two or sometimes in a year the girl can visit her parents and relatives. About the bride’s wealth. The bride’s dowry included a felt cover. The bride’s family and sometimes fellow villagers were involved in making it. The felt cover is made in the following way: sheep’s wool is laid out on cloth and wetted with water. Then the laid-out wool is twisted together with cloth and felted. Sometimes coloured threads were added to make beautiful ornaments. In order to make colourful edges ribbons were added on the sides of felted wool. Felt covers were kept on chests and covered with fabrics so that the felt lasted longer. Before marriage a traditional dress is sewn for a girl. The dress was embroidered and decorated with pearls. Together with the dress shivrlg – hair braid covers, are being sewn as well. Shivrlg was decorated with tokugs – a silver pendant. My mother had scarlet tokugs. About taboos for brides. In the old days the daughter-in-law is forbidden from calling her husband’s relatives by their name. The bride could sit on one knee and her head and legs must be covered in the presence of her in-laws. Because of these taboos new names were invented: Tsagan – Gilyan, Badma – Yadma, etc.Sponsored by Arcadia Fund, a charitable fund of Lisbet Rausing and Peter Baldwi