i pull the trigger and lilies fly out: a collection of poetry

[Archives staff derived this excerpt from the author’s Introduction.] To be queer is to be continually silenced and sanitized, both by yourself and others. Through my poetic project, “i pull the trigger and lilies fly out,” I am reclaiming those aspects of myself and forming my own expression of the self. There is a quietness to my work, a continual movement into a lyrical, ethereal space, a suspension of time where the contemplation of a possible action is emphasized, rather than the action. This stillness, this self-awareness, and constant feeling of “what-if” embodies the extent to which I contemplate my place as a queer woman in every space I occupy. By creating work centered on this self, and not needing a disclaimer for my queerness but also note needing to make it shout, I was able to craft my own queer identity. I have often felt on the margins in this respect; I was too gay for my straight friends and too “straight” in mannerisms and dress for my gay friends. By holding my identity in my own hands, I was finally able to mold something that is me, and that I am proud to embody. When you are queer, you often have to create your own space and your own identity. In this project, I have finally formed my own