[[alternative]]Female Awakening and Reversion in Intimate Relationship: A Self-Narrative Study

[[abstract]]本論文是研究者生命史與情史的融合。本研究的核心精神，是朝向梳理自身三段親密關係裡的自己。從中看見自己在不同的親密關係中，是如何淪落到父權社會下傳統女性的位置；以及陷入傳統女性與現代女性二元對立的爭戰中；最後，在遭逢親密關係的失落與悲傷裡，逐步照見一條女性覺醒與回歸的旅程。 本論文的研究方法是「自我敘說」。研究者透過「書寫」自己在親密關係裡的故事，不斷來回思考、對話、釐清、整理，並發現故事背後的脈絡。研究者在「重讀」自己的文本故事中，不斷來回「反思」與「詮釋」故事中的自己，進而對自己的生命產生更多的覺察與理解。 本論文各章節的內容與安排是：第一章是導讀說明為何選用自我敘說的方法來梳理親密關係的故事；第二章是我整個生命史與情史的故事文本與脈絡；第三章是反思我在親密關係裡如何學習愛的功課之體悟；第四章是融入榮格的觀點來詮釋我在親密關係中的個體化旅程；第五章是回顧我在自我敘說這條路上的研究歷程與心路歷程。 最後，這本論文也是一位無知女孩走入親密關係變成女人的覺醒故事；也是女人經歷親密關係的試煉與磨難之中，找回屬於自己本然女性力量的故事。然而，我的生命覺醒源於情史歷劫歸來的悲傷與失落中，彷彿這些愛的難解習題，都是為了要試煉與淬鍊出女性更為完整的生命。[[abstract]]This thesis is the fusion of life and love history of the author. The core of this study is to sort out the status of self in the three intimate relationships. From which to see the change in different relationships and to be situated on to the position of a traditional female in patriarchal society; caught in the battle of a binary opposition of traditional and modern female; finally, in the loss and grief of a intimate relation, manifests a journey of the awakening and reversion of female.By using self-narrative study method, researcher constantly thinking and clarifying back and forth through writing her own intimate relationship story, in order to find the context of the story. By reading her own story text, researcher repeatedly ponders and interprets herself in the story, thus to emerge more awareness and understanding of herself. The first chapter is to explain the reason of using self-narrative method to sort out the story; the second chapter is the context of my life and love history context;the third chapter is the introspection on how do I learn the lesson of love in intimate relationships; the fourth chapter is the integration of Jung's point of view to explain my individuation in these intimate relationship; the fifth chapter is to review the self-narrative journey and the inner process of this study.Finally, this thesis is also a story of an ignorant girl who transformed into a woman through intimate relationship; also a story of a woman who retrieved her own natural female strength through experiencing the trials and tribulations in an intimate relationship. However, the source of my awakening is based on the loss and grief of my love history, as if these difficulties of love and relationship are to test and refine an integrated life of a woman