Interpersonal Processes in Coping With

When parents lose a child, they not only have to cope with the worst life event imaginable, but their loss also affects how they behave toward each other. In the face of searing pain caused by their loss, partners often try to intuit each other’s psychological and emotional states, and these impressions dic-tate their reactions toward each other. Bereavement counselors have noticed that partners often try to protect each other from further pain and suffering by engaging in what we will call partner-oriented self-regulation (POSR); that is, they avoid talking about the loss and try to remain strong in each other’s presence. Thus, each partner regulates his or her emotions and behavior to avoid confronting the other with his or her own grief. In the present research, we examined the specific effect of POSR on parents ’ grief. However, in contrast to partners’ intentions of relieving the other, but consistent with research showing maladaptive effects of protective buffering (e.g., Coyne & Smith, 1991), our prediction was that POSR would amplify both partners ’ grief