Forthcoming in Davis and Laker: Masculinities in Higher Education: Theoretical

There is a pervasive theme in the literature on college men: men are uncomfortable with the way that they have been taught to be men. This creates conflict between how one wants to be and how one thinks one is supposed to be a man. Another theme is that men want to be accepted and appreciated by other men, to be seen as “normal ” and as “one of the guys.” Men’s motivation to be accepted by other men results in many men not caring about women and tolerating other men’s abusive behavior towards men and women. In general, men – in all the different identities that men have – want and try to be accepted as manly by other men. These issues about how to be a man reflect a larger culture in which the masculine and feminine are out of balance, with dangerous consequences for each of us as individuals, and for the planet as a whole. This understanding of men reveals a paradox that is the central theme of this chapter. Most men don’t want to be the kind of men they have been taught to be, but do not always know that other men share this discomfort. As a result men may squeeze themselves into an uncomfortable “man box ” in order to be accepted by other men, even when other men don’t like the box either. The term used to describe the phenomenon of incorrectly thinking that on