(Submitted to Science magazine) Seven New Features of Black Holes Impart an Uncanny Risk on the LHC

The most recent chapter in the fascinating story of black holes is offered. Johnny Wheeler’s witty profundity in the footsteps of his mentor Einstein still shines through. The “no-hair theorem “ is clipped from 3 to 2 surviving “hairs “ (mass and angular momentum remain, charge goes). And an unbelievable oversight of the scientific community maintained for 7 decades is exposed: an infinite slow-down of infalling astronaut clocks so that horizons become effectively unreachable. The other five new features are: nonevaporation; threshold reduction; exclusive risk to earth; quantum protection of neutron stars; and exponential growth inside matter. An attempt at falsifying this 7-link chain in at least one element is encouraged as a precondition for the Large Hadron Collider’s planned second start. (April 17, 2009, revised May 16, 2009) Black holes carry a funny name – John Wheeler had thought about the latter for half a year while dropping every other activity. Later on he added the witty “no hair theorem “ to further boost their popularity (after a pop song from Einstein’s Berlin time “Say – is it real ‘ true – that the frog at the ass has no hair? “ – I apologize). There exist many sci-fi stories and even crime novels about black holes